I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed the launch of Decoding Dot Grey (held at the Mic Mac AAC on Lake Banook here in Dartmouth, NS). And that's a revelation for someone who would have put herself in the category of Petrified of Public Speaking before the launch of my first novel:

• Heart rate at a dangerous level
• Strong buzz in the ears
• Dry mouth
• Throat constricting
• Wishing for some kind of horrible accident to occur on my way to the event (with only me injured, of course)
• Losing sleep in the weeks leading up to it - actually,months, if I'm being completely honest

What's changed?

So much and so little. It's not like I found a coach to teach me the secrets of a perfect performance. Quite the opposite!

Two years ago I was going through a personal crisis and sought out therapy. One of the things that has haunted me all my life is a lack of confidence, it has gotten in the way of moving forward in my personal and professional life. When I mentioned this to my therapist, she said something that changed everything. Confidence is not about pushing yourself harder it's about self-compassion. Those words flipped an inner switch and I've slowly changed the way I think.

So, here's how I went into this event:

• I expected to fail at something. I wasn't sure what it would be, exactly, but I knew to set reasonable expectations and go easy on myself for any glitches. 
• I jotted down notes for what I wanted to say but left space to go off script. I printed out the reading from the book and put the words I wanted to emphasize in bold print so it was easy to keep my place.
• I prepared as best I could and then the day before I took the day off from all the thinking about it and preparing. I listened to comedy podcasts, did yoga and walked my dog. [Luckily I stumbled upon the perfect episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend (episode 179.5). It was with Bill Hader who confessed he still suffers from severe anxiety before getting on stage despite thirty years in the business, a boatload of talent and a lot of success. Lesson? Anxiety doesn't mean you can't do it. It's normal to feel that way if you care about your work.] 
• An author friend agreed to interview me after my reading and they (Sal Sawler) came up with questions that really got me talking. That also meant I wasn't all alone on stage.
• I promised myself I would be authentic and not try to sound more intelligent or spin anything to make me sound better. That's not what inspires people, they want to hear about your struggle because that shows them that they can do it too. 
• I laughed at myself. A lot. 
• I wore something comfortable and colourful and didn't worry if I didn't look like a magazine cover. 
• I chatted with people as they arrived and reminded myself that I'd just be talking to the same people from a small stage.
• I admitted aloud that I get nervous instead of trying to mask it. 
• I sought out a psychology podcast on the subject of stage fright without success. But I found an episode of Hidden Brain with the title of Being Kind to Yourself (Oct 11, 2021) with Kristin Neff. I thoroughly recommend it to all human beings, anxious or otherwise. It will help you get out of bed in the morning.

I'm sharing the above insights for anyone who might be hurtling towards a public appearance wondering how to cope. If it helps you in any way, that will make me happy. Send me a note?

The Decoding Dot Grey launch filled up with friends, neighbours, fellow authors, family and kids. Even my son's grade six teacher came. My good friend, who lives on the west coast, asked a friend who lives here to come as her proxy. She even arranged for flowers which made me feel like a star. We had wine and snacks. There was a lot of laughing. The evening sun shone on the lake which was busy with boats. It was magical. I shit you not. 

So. What went wrong?

*sigh*

I spent a couple of weeks putting together a photo booth. I'm a professional photographer after all (!), and I've run a photo booth at a wedding or two. I tested it here at the house. I found a way to set it up so people could press a remote shutter button. I taped off the floor so they'd know exactly where to stand (but no on noticed that) and put my laptop next to the camera so they could line themselves up on screen to snap the shot. I made up signs of what to do. I bought props and created a tickle trunk. I painted picture frames to match the book cover...

But, after the first dozen or so shots, one of the batteries died while I was busy signing books and being ... an author. I couldn't go troubleshoot the issue. Doh! But, you can see from the handful of shots below, people had fun anyway.